Ah, been awhile since my last word here. Sorry about that.
My sciatic nerve flared up again shortly after finishing the fullbody of Nuuru, as wonderful and ironic as it sounds.
Still on the recovery for that, despite it being a few weeks I've only had like 3 days off since and it's very detrimental to my existence. :/
I have been doing artwork, though most of it is commission-related, as I am still short on funds due to wonderful circumstances that constantly surface the moment I turn my back.
As it is, I am still here, though mainly on the surface- haven't done any real work here in a bit, with the usual excuses to follow; mainly can't sit due to the sciatica, but also the massive amount of burdens I always force myself to carry. Sigh.
Working on that last bit, seriously. I have to just take care of myself, and relax. I haven't been able to relax in years, not in sleep, not in resting for recovery... I think it's beyond guilt, beyond responsibility, though;
When I stare into the great void, I see my wasted potential, and I can't begin to tell you how much that unnerves/angers/guilt-trips and moves me. Ugh, it's hard having myself always watching me, never letting me do my own thing about it. I always feel bad doing things for myself. :/ I think that's going to be my next focus, really. I need to leave me alone.
On that confusing thought, I'll let you all go. Sorry I haven't done more. Just kind of hard to hold myself together here, as the 25th anniversary of my life comes on the horizon. There's a deadline to get rid of all my bad habits by then; they say it's phenomenally more difficult to do so after that day has passed. I hope they're wrong. x)
No need to comment, guys. You're all wonderful and thoughtful to have read this; and I love you all for it so much more. But I'd just feel even worse making you comment; so if you want to do so because I'm not well, it's okay. I'd rather you go on with your life, comfortable in the knowledge that I'm getting through it, than to take any further time away from your work; I can't relax knowing that my show of struggle might take away from your potential, too. x)