Reithya

Adopt Raffle :3 

They have a really fun style and I admit, I love her design. Shhh adopts aren't one of my favorite things, noooo >.> 

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I hope you guys like my catagon designs. I get that they aren't the most fun and unique thing, so I'm working on my second coloring book, a high fantasy theme for the more regal people in our lives. If you haven't seen my first one yet, you can check it out here! www.etsy.com/shop/RebelsofReit…

And, I have free pride catagons for use here!
sta.sh/21395eph6tli

Much love to all the lights in our dark world.

As the title says... Would anyone like to do some halloween themed art trades with me? 

It's okay if not, I just love the spooky feeling and since I'm actually able to draw right now, figured I would ask. 

Thanks for reading either way. 

Tablet / Life / Art / Self / Midlife Crisis?  Random thoughts to follow important updates, I'll make it quick. (First part anyway).

So. My tablet is basically a useless electronic at this point. It can't hold a charge, it freezes and shuts down whenever I have it connected to the internet and it's randomly died on me during my latest drawings without saving. So until I find another substantial way to make digital art, please forgive me, for there will be none, except for scribbles on paper here and there. My DA is currently under construction, so not being able to update new art makes things a little difficult, so just bear with me, those of you who are left.  

Onto the rest.

Who. Who? Who! The great question that's been plaguing my mind of late. Several months now? Ever since I dragged my ass out of the depressive cavern that claimed my soul for the last year, anyway. How do you describe a 'who', anyway? You might say, well Rei, I know you as a dragon artist! And I'mma stop you right there. That's a what. A 'what' I am. But who am I? Why does it matter? Why do I have to be a specific 'who' in order to be appeased with my life and existence? Good question. I don't know. But I feel like that's a lot of what's been missing.

I feel like my deviantart puts a lot of pressure on me, subconsciously of course (I know none of you would ever say this. Welcome to my paranoid mind), to be a dragon artist. And while that was my passion and my care for a good chunk of my life and continues to be about 50% of the art I do these days, I feel like that pressure has been slowly strangling me and my creative art. I wasn't always a dragon artist and I don't want to be only seen as a dragon artist anymore. But I feel like people will judge me for that, which is stupid, because if people do judge me for wanting to be myself, why do I care? But that's a whole different, tangled, mess of a brain that I have to deal with... Another time. *Sets spaghetti mess aside*

I have a lot of things that I care about and I am not very vocal about that, at all. I am a very passionate person but I am so restricted by fear (sourcing from... Pretty much everything you can think of, which is a shame), that I never really branch out into those areas that I care about for fear of... I have no better way to put it other than being called out? I guess I just haven't had the greatest score with audiences and am very sensitive to the way people think of me. Again, I should not care, and sometimes I'm able to live my life without that concern, but all the same, when I'm fragile after these depressive rollercoaster rides, I can't help but judge myself so harshly that I am the one constraining myself. It's like a backwards attempt to protect myself from backlash. I will stop myself and blame myself before anyone else even has a chance to prove me wrong, which is a damn shame. 

So I need to change. Everything. All of it. My perspective mostly, and I need to rebuild my home. On deviantart, on other social media, with my friends... It's just all gotta be cleaned up I guess.

I have to stop being afraid. I used to do it when I was younger through anger, because I lived in a hostile environment all the time, so my anger was my power to protect me from the things I feared. It gave me strength to handle all the bullshit, it gave me a shield to use against my bullies, it provided me with adrenaline to work through my pain... But now that I am an adult, I seek peace and tranquility around my home and my personal life because I don't LIKE being angry. And therefore I have no true method to drive me into anger to take care of the things I fear. That being said there are plenty of things that can incite my anger, but I am very laid back and simple and can handle most anything with a reasonable mindset. Unless it has to do with myself, then god forbid we've entered the fucking labyrinthian nightmare.

TDLR I need to change. I need to change myself. Strive to be better than I am. And I don't know how to do that. Worse, I don't really want to do that. I like who I am! Even if I am a pudgy little scaredy cat that just wants to be pet every three days. The truth is that I want to be more than I am, and I'm just letting myself be consumed by my jealousy and fear.

So I am sorry. I am sorry for everyone that felt like I left and never was able to give you the support you needed as a friend; I am sorry for not being able to keep up with your personal journey or artistic one; I am sorry that I can't even manage a 'thank you' to everyone who deserves it or has shown me exemplary kindness over the last few years. I am so, so sorry that I am broken. And I'm even more sorry that I can't summon the courage to make it right.

And all I can promise you in return, is know that I have never once forgotten any of you, and that I am trying to seek a better way to handle everything.

Thanks for listening to my ridiculous monologue. If you take only one thing from this... Know you are loved.