Overhaul.

And underhaul. Just seems appropriate to add, despite the fact it's not a word.


To the point. I'm having a lot of difficulty with deviantart lately. I finally found out how to make that annoying "activity" widget go away.  Still doesn't help with being on here, though. :c Must be rooted in something else.

I am, technically, on a hiatus. From here. And almost, even, on art. I just do not feel like drawing right now. :/ Maybe it's because the season is changing and with... well... recent events, I think I need some time away to simply... find myself again.

The last week and a half were very difficult for me. I made the wrong decision out of trying not to be rude, and instead of being fine or simply dying from it, I suffocated for over a week for it. I am pretty fucking upset about it, to be honest. And when I finally went to the doctor, there wasn't anything he could do except give me steroids, and shocker, they kinda screwed me up in their own way.  

In the past, when I've had these reactions, I was able to walk away from them seeing life in a better light, remembering all that we take for granted each day that we endure. This time, I walked away fiercer than ever, and I am not happy about it. I don't want to eat anymore. I no longer have the desire to eat, nor do I have any official cravings. I only eat because I know it's necessary, and I've no desire to suffer any longer. Thanksgiving is coming, and it's all about the food. Food that I am NOT going to be able to eat, because of how it's made and so many other people deserve to taste the deliciousness of a well seasoned roast, you know what I mean? But they are going to try to make something on the side for me, so I don't have to worry about it, or they will try to guilt trip me into trying it. You know what? No thanks. I'd rather sit there and not have anything and just be normal with everyone else than to have to do that. I don't want to suffer so don't fucking TRY. Just don't try. I don't have the power to say no to the people I care about when they work so hard on something like that, because if *I* worked that hard on a meal for someone else I'd damn well want them to eat it... so how do I respectfully say no? Since not going isn't an option, even though I'm working on Thanksgiving and Black Friday? Sigh. First world problems. I feel better now, thank you all for letting me rant (and for reading it, despite the fact I don't deserve anyone's attention).

So, comes the apologies. I have been away, or enough so to make it seem that way. I love you to bits, I could write endless stories about the people on here I care about and would be here for... if it didn't have to be here, if there was some way to take it off the computer and make it easier to communicate with people in another way, maybe that would work better. But until I recover and feel better from my hiatus, do not expect me to reply or comment. You all have done amazing with your recent artworks, and I hope you'll keep reaching out towards getting better, in whatever way you see fit.

I do not want gifts from you this coming season. I have done absolutely nothing to deserve them, and receiving them will only make me feel worse about them in general. I'm sorry that I do not have the strength to keep up my end of the friendship scale; I implore you not to use any extra energy on me until I am able to once again, fulfill my half of the relationships we share.

Thank you for understanding, and I'll see you all again soon.  

Happy Thanksgiving, and may your Fall be warm with color, leading into the crystal heart of Winter.